Yes, my mom calls me an ostrich, referring to the fact that I like to stick my head in the sand and ignore things. I like to call it my thinking time. I need to think about how to deal with issues and what to do next. I mean , it's hard to hear that your babies aren't perfect and that they will have life long challenges. Any parent who has been through any sort of medical or psychological assessment with a child can tell you about the challenges of the processes and the outcomes. Let me say that I know the diagnosis my boys have, could have been a lot worse and I count my blessings every single day. I just pray that we can do everything we need, to help them reach their potential. When the boys were first diagnosed, one with PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delays Not Otherwise Specified) and one on the Autism Spectrum, I was completely caught off guard by the grieving process. It was sad to think that they wouldn't be the perfect little boys, I had dreamed they would be. So, what happened? The grieving process blindsided me. First there was shock and denial. I stayed in denial for a while, hence my nickname. The anger came in the form of being made at other parents who mistreated their children and the guilt was in thinking I had done something wrong. Depression continues to rear its ugly head from time to time and I like to eat that one. I have come to accept my beautiful boys just the way they are and support them through their challegnes and celebrate their joys. I continue to grow right along with my whole family, especially spiritually, and I count among my greatest blessings my husband and our two wonderful boys!
A few years ago, I participated in a parent focus group that was part of a research project and I did find comfort in hearing other parents share similar experiences with the grieving process. The best part of sharing with other parents was the hope and that's what I'll hang onto for now!
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